I OFTEN SHARE with people that if I'd endured one more year of my needs being out of balance, I probably wouldn't have survived long enough to be working on this project. I was severely bullied as a child and teenager with no one to turn to for help. One of those bullies is currently serving life in prison after being found guilty of first-degree murder. I lost a full scholarship because I fell in love and quit school to pursue an ill-fated relationship. By the time I was twenty-five, I had ruined my credit and been on food stamps twice. Of course then there's that whole Benzo accident if you read mY sTorY.
How did I overcome my struggles and begin transforming my goals into reality? It all boiled down to one pivotal realization—I needed to align my honest feedback with my genuine needs. Once I discovered how to close that gap, everything began to fall into place.
If Adolf Hitler hadn't endured both physical and mental abuse at the hands of his father, would he have turned out different? What if his drawings had actually gotten him into the art school that he was so passionate about? What if his mother, whom he was extremely close to, hadn't passed away that very same year? What if more than one of his five siblings had lived past childhood? What if more of his needs had been met in his formative years. Would it have prevented him from turning into arguably one of the world's worst human beings?
Have you ever seen an animal that has gone too long without having it's needs met? Never quite the same are they?
Then there's Genie; The feral girl.
In 1970 a young girl who looked to be about six or seven limped into a welfare office in Los Angeles. She was emaciated, shoulders stooped, and held her hands up in a strange way, almost like a kangaroo. Her mother, suffering form cataracts and seeking the office with services for the blind, had accidentally walked into the wrong room.
The welfare workers were stunned and transfixed.
At first they assumed autism. They soon discovered she could not talk. She was incontinent and salivated and spat. She had two nearly complete sets of teeth - extra teeth in such cases are known as supernumeraries, a rare dental condition. She could barely chew or swallow, and could not fully focus her eyes or extend her limbs. She weighed just 59lb. And she was, it turned out, thirteen years old.
Her name, or the name given to protect her identity, was Genie. Her deranged father had strapped her into a handmade straitjacket and tied her to a chair in a silent room of a suburban house since she was a toddler. He had forbidden her to cry, speak, or make any noise and had beaten and growled at her like a dog whenever she did attempt communication.
It made news as one of the worst cases of child abuse in the United States. How could a quiet a sleepy Californian town, produce a feral child – a child so deprived of basic human needs?
Authorities initially arranged for Genie's admission to a children's hospital where a team of physicians and psychologists managed her care and well being. It is during this time that she actually began to show signs of improvement in her language and behavioral skills. Her subsequent living arrangements became the subject of debate. In 1971, she left the hospital to live with her teacher from the hospital, but a month and a half later, authorities placed her with the family of the scientist heading the research team, with whom she lived with for four years. Soon after turning eighteen, Genie returned to live with her mother, who decided after a few months that she could not adequately care for her. Authorities then moved her into the first of what would become a series of institutions for disabled adults. However the people running it subsequently cut her off from almost everyone she knew and subjected her to even more physical and emotional abuse. As a result, her physical and mental health severely deteriorated, and her newly acquired language and behavioral skills very rapidly regressed.
In 1978, Genie's mother abruptly forbade all further scientific observations and testing of Genie. Little is known about her circumstances since then. Her current whereabouts are unclear, although she is believed to be living in the care of the state of California and is about 67 years old.
Was having her essential human needs unmet for too long at the root of Genie's tragic story? Absolutely. It seems that our human needs, left unchecked for too long, can be catastrophic.
Why Feel Good? Feel Bad? iT mAtTeRs!
Have you ever stopped mid-coffee sip and thought, What really drives me? Not just the random cravings for tacos at 2 a.m. or that new gadget you don’t really need—but the deep-down stuff, the core needs that steer every choice, feeling, and Netflix binge you make. Yep, we’re talking about the big stuff here.
Turns out, we all share essential human needs that are basically the operating system of our lives. They’re not pie-in-the-sky ideas—they’re the why behind how we hustle, love, create, and connect. And when we get them right? Life feels like a symphony. When we don’t? Well, cue the out-of-tune kazoo. So, let’s break it down:
* Certainty (work, well-Being): AKA the “I need my ducks in a row” need. Whether it’s a steady paycheck, Taco Tuesday, a morning run, or knowing your favorite mug is where it belongs, certainty keeps us sane. It’s the security blanket of life.
* Variety (fun): Because who wants the same cereal for breakfast every day? Variety spices things up—adventure, new experiences, spontaneous road trips—it’s what keeps life interesting.
* Recognition (significance): We all want a gold star sometimes. Whether it’s crushing it at work or someone noticing your new haircut, we live for those “you matter” moments.
* Love (passion): The big one for many. Whether it’s rom-com style or simply a passion for something that gets your motor running like nothing else, love reminds us that we're alive.
* Connection (tribe): Beyond love, it’s about finding your people, your crew, your “I can show up in sweatpants and no one cares” tribe. Connection keeps us grounded.
* Sharing (honesty): Real relationships aren’t built on emojis alone. Sharing lets us go deep—trust, honesty, and heart-to-hearts that make us feel seen and heard.
* Growth (a better you): Because no one wants to feel like they’re stuck on autopilot. Growth is stepping outside your comfort zone, learning cool stuff, and leveling up in life.
* Contribution (giving back): Maybe it’s donating, volunteering, or just helping a friend move (seriously, that’s love). Giving back makes life bigger than just you—and leaves a legacy worth remembering.
When we balance these needs, we’re basically laying a foundation for crushing life. Careers? Growing. Relationships? Thriving. Personal growth? On fire. But when these needs go unmet for too long, life starts to feel… off. Like wearing shoes that don’t fit. You might feel stuck, unsure, or like you’re spinning your wheels. Been there?
So here’s the million-dollar question: Are you meeting your needs in ways that actually fill your tank—or are you running on fumes?
Take a sec to reflect. Which of these needs could use a little TLC? What could you tweak to feel more aligned, more “you” again? Because this isn’t just about coasting through life—it’s about living like you mean it.
Start small. Tweak one thing. Watch what happens when you start honoring what actually drives you. Life gets better, brighter, and—dare we say—more fun.
Focused on Today - Feedback for Tomorrow
I believe Feel Good? Feel Bad? can be a powerful tool for enhancing your overall well-being. By combining the principles from Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), you can ensure that your needs are met on a regular basis yet also have the freedom to make timely adjustments to your routines when needed.
It's time for us to embrace a fresh approach to addressing our needs and enhancing our productivity. One that focuses on nourishing ourselves, strengthening our connections, and fostering personal growth rather than mere output. By blending your individual needs with candid feedback, this program aims to help you establish purposeful habits, set achievable goals, and build fulfilling relationships.
-Grady Pope Creator
