I'VE OFTEN JOKED with my good friend Neil that if I'd endured one more year of my needs being out of balance, I probably wouldn't have survived long enough to be working on this project. I was severely bullied as a child and teenager with no one to turn to for help. One of those bullies is currently serving life in prison after being found guilty of first-degree murder. I lost a full scholarship because I fell in love and quit school to pursue the wrong kind of gal for me. I've ruined my credit twice, been on food stamps twice, and all before the age of twenty-five. Of course then there's that whole Benzo ordeal if you read mY sTorY.
So what was at the root of my struggles? I had no idea how to meet my needs in healthy ways. Can unmet human needs lead to catastrophic consequences if left unchecked for too long?
If Adolf Hitler hadn't endured both physical and mental abuse at the hands of his father, would he have turned out different? What if his drawings had actually gotten him into the art school that he was so passionate about? What if his mother, whom he was extremely close to, hadn't passed away that very same year? What if more than one of his five siblings had lived past childhood? What if more of his needs had been met in his formative years. Would it have prevented him from turning into arguably one of the world's worst human beings?
Have you ever seen an animal that has gone too long without having it's needs met? Never quite the same are they?
Then there's Genie; The feral girl.
In 1970 a young girl who looked to be about six or seven limped into a welfare office in Los Angeles. She was emaciated, shoulders stooped, and held her hands up in a strange way, almost like a kangaroo. Her mother, suffering form cataracts and seeking the office with services for the blind, had accidentally walked into the wrong room.
The welfare workers were stunned and transfixed.
At first they assumed autism. They soon discovered she could not talk. She was incontinent and salivated and spat. She had two nearly complete sets of teeth - extra teeth in such cases are known as supernumeraries, a rare dental condition. She could barely chew or swallow, and could not fully focus her eyes or extend her limbs. She weighed just 59lb. And she was, it turned out, thirteen years old.
Her name, or the name given to protect her identity, was Genie. Her deranged father had strapped her into a handmade straitjacket and tied her to a chair in a silent room of a suburban house since she was a toddler. He had forbidden her to cry, speak, or make any noise and had beaten and growled at her like a dog whenever she did attempt communication.
It made news as one of the worst cases of child abuse in the United States. How could a quiet a sleepy Californian town, produce a feral child – a child so deprived of basic human needs?
Authorities initially arranged for Genie's admission to a children's hospital where a team of physicians and psychologists managed her care and well being. It is during this time that she actually began to show signs of improvement in her language and behavioral skills. Her subsequent living arrangements became the subject of debate. In 1971, she left the hospital to live with her teacher from the hospital, but a month and a half later, authorities placed her with the family of the scientist heading the research team, with whom she lived with for four years. Soon after turning eighteen, Genie returned to live with her mother, who decided after a few months that she could not adequately care for her. Authorities then moved her into the first of what would become a series of institutions for disabled adults. However the people running it subsequently cut her off from almost everyone she knew and subjected her to even more physical and emotional abuse. As a result, her physical and mental health severely deteriorated, and her newly acquired language and behavioral skills very rapidly regressed.
In 1978, Genie's mother abruptly forbade all further scientific observations and testing of Genie. Little is known about her circumstances since then. Her current whereabouts are unclear, although she is believed to be living in the care of the state of California and is about 67 years old.
Was having her essential human needs unmet for too long at the root of Genie's tragic story? Absolutely. It seems that our human needs, left unchecked for too long, can be catastrophic.
Why Feel Good? Feel Bad?
Are you in tune with how you feel throughout your daily routines? Understanding and acting on your real-time feelings can significantly impact your overall well-being. At its core, FG? FB? is about paying close attention to how you feel at any given moment and using that information to make better choices. It's a simple question you can ask yourself throughout the day—do I feel good or do I feel bad? This approach encourages you to be honest with yourself, acknowledging your true feelings and needs. It's not just about recognizing your emotional state but understanding the reasons behind it, whether it's stress from work, happiness from a good conversation, or fatigue from lack of sleep.
When you regularly check in with yourself, you become more aware of what works for you and what doesn't. This self-awareness allows for quick adjustments, helping you avoid habits that don't align with your unique personality and preferences. For instance, you might realize that certain activities drain your energy, while others invigorate you. Over time, this practice can lead to a more balanced and fulfilling life, as you start to prioritize actions and environments that contribute positively to your well-being. This method empowers you to make conscious decisions that enhance your overall quality of life.
Feel Good? Feel Bad? and Abraham Maslow's Hierarchy of Human Needs
Abraham Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs is a psychological theory that categorizes human needs into five levels, from basic physiological needs to self-actualization. Here's how these needs align with FG? FB?:
Physiological Needs - These are the most basic human needs, such as food, water, and shelter. When you use FG? FB? to assess your physical well-being, you can ensure that these needs are consistently met. Proper nutrition, adequate hydration, and a safe living environment form the foundation of a healthy life.
Safety Needs - This includes personal security, financial stability, and health. Real-time feedback helps you identify areas where you might feel unsafe or insecure and take proactive steps to address them. This might involve creating a budget, improving home security, or adopting healthier lifestyle choices to maintain your well-being.
Love and Belonging - Social relationships and emotional intimacy fall under this category. FG? FB? encourages you to foster connections that make you feel loved and valued. This could be through spending quality time with family, building friendships, or participating in community activities that strengthen your sense of belonging and emotional support.
Esteem Needs - Recognition and self-respect are crucial for personal growth. Honest feedback helps you build self-esteem by recognizing your achievements and areas for improvement. Whether it’s receiving praise at work, achieving personal milestones, or gaining respect from peers, fulfilling your esteem needs helps boost confidence and motivation.
Self-Actualization - This is the realization of your full potential. By continually assessing how you feel, you can pursue activities and goals that align with your true self. This might involve exploring creative talents, pursuing career ambitions, or achieving personal fulfillment through hobbies and passions that lead to a meaningful and purposeful life.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Mindful-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT)
As well as meeting our human needs FG? FB? is also based on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, CBT, and Mindful-Based Cognitive Therapy or MBCT. These forms of psychological treatments have been demonstrated to be effective for a wide range of problems including: time and task management, ADHD, depression, anxiety disorders, addictions, marital problems, eating disorders, mental health issues, and more. CBT teaches you to challenge negative thoughts and replace them with positive, constructive ones. This aligns perfectly with FG? FB?, as it promotes self-awareness and encourages you to make adjustments based on honest feedback. Through CBT and mindfulness we learn that our thoughts affect our emotions and our emotions affect our behaviors. In other words, in order to overcome adversities and achieve fulfilling lives, we need to understand the capable emotional space between our unique needs and desired behaviors.
Enhancing Well-Being with Honest Feedback
Physical Health: Regularly assess how your body feels and make necessary adjustments to your diet and exercise routine. Pay attention to signals your body sends; if you notice that certain foods make you feel sluggish or tired, try alternatives that boost your energy levels. Additionally, ensure you're getting adequate sleep and hydration, as these are crucial for physical well-being.
Mental Health: Pay close attention to your mental state throughout the day. If you feel overwhelmed or stressed, take a break or practice mindfulness techniques, such as deep breathing, meditation, or yoga, to regain a sense of calm and clarity. Don't hesitate to seek support from a mental health professional if needed.
Relationships: Regularly check in with yourself after social interactions to assess how they make you feel. If a relationship or friendship consistently makes you feel bad or drains your energy, it might be time to set boundaries, communicate your feelings, or reassess its place in your life. Healthy relationships should support your well-being and growth.
Work-Life Balance: Evaluate how you feel about your workload and work environment. If you feel consistently burnt out, consider delegating tasks, setting more realistic goals, or even discussing workload management with your supervisor. Prioritize time for rest and activities that recharge you outside of work.
Hobbies and Interests: Notice how you feel when engaging in your hobbies. If a particular activity no longer brings you joy or fulfillment, explore new interests that excite and challenge you. Engaging in creative or physical activities can provide a sense of accomplishment and relaxation.
Personal Growth: Reflect on your progress towards personal goals regularly. If you feel stagnant or uninspired, set new challenges that excite and motivate you. Consider taking up new courses, learning a new skill, or setting achievable milestones that help you grow both personally and professionally.
Financial Stability: Consistently monitor your financial well-being. If managing money stresses you out, seek advice from a financial advisor or utilize budgeting tools and apps to gain control over your finances. Understanding and planning your financial goals can provide peace of mind and greater stability.
Tips for Incorporating FG? FB? Principles into Daily Life
Set Reminders - Use your Feel Good Feel Bad journal daily to remind yourself to check in with your needs and feelings throughout the day.
Practice Mindfulness - Engage in mindfulness exercises to help you stay present and aware of your emotions.
Reflect Regularly - Take time each week to reflect on your experiences and how they made you feel. Use this information to make adjustments.
Seek Support - Share your experiences with a trusted friend or therapist who can offer guidance and support.
Stay Open-Minded - Be willing to try new things and make changes based on your honest feedback.
Feel Good? Feel Bad? iT mAtTeRs!
I believe Feel Good? Feel Bad? can be a powerful tool for enhancing your overall well-being. By combining the principles from Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), you can ensure that your needs are met on a regular basis yet also have the freedom to make timely adjustments to your routines when needed.
Regularly checking in with yourself and acknowledging your honest feelings allows you to live a more fulfilling and authentic life. Start incorporating FG? FB? principles today and experience the positive impact on your physical health, mental well-being, and personal growth!
-Grady Pope Human Needs Coach - Creator Feel Good? Feel Bad?
